i am worthy of loveso i realized today why this holiday season has affected me more than the others... in the past i have always seen elaine around or on the holidays (even if she didn't celebrate them, we at least saw each other). this year will be the first year ever where i have 0 of my(side) family to spend it with. so it's hit me pretty hard... dad is in heaven, debbie, marsha (annie, tyler), grandma, cyndi (and her 2 kids) all live back east... out here it's just elaine and tamar, but neither of them have anything to do with me. family is such an important thing to me. i have had a hard time getting in the holiday spirit since dad died in 2003 and all this with elaine made me hit my breaking point. i don't want to celebrate any holidays this year, i don't want to see anyone (but my hubby and mojito of course). at most i want to just go see a movie. does this make me a bad person?
maybe if we were better financially i might be more up for it, but i doubt it this year. i am just so over it all this year.
sorry to be a bit of a downer, i should be better after tomorrow.
troy is such a sweetheart, he offered to let me just stay home and he would go to his parents house, but it's not fair to send him in there alone, who knows what mood his mom will be in and what drama could happen. same with his little sister. the holidays seem to bring out the uber crazy in those two, let me tell ya. plus, they both have been bad mouthing the two of us behind our backs for sometime now and it's hard not to speak up and say anything. i know if i do it will just make life even worse for his dad, who is the sweetest man ever. so we sit in awkwardness while his mom watches us all eat (she only eats fresh fruits and veggies, and why she can't just make herself a plate and eat with us is beyond me, guess it just helps to add to the awkwardness of the whole event).
he did say that we are going to do an eat by, which i feel a little bad about, but the truth is we have soo much work to do that we really don't have the time to waste talking about nothing and being uncomfortable the whole time.
i hope it's not a drama filled event, and i am praying none of them bring up elaine. they all know about her and her lack of, well everything, i just don't want to talk about it tomorrow. i might just crumble in front of them all and that would not be good.
on a funny side note, mojito will be wearing the cutest shirt ever! it says, "no squirrels may pass, i am the squirrel master" which is too funny since even a squirrel is a giant to him LOL.
well, happy thanksgiving to everyone. i am thankful for you all and all your love!
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