DAY 8: november 24, 2009

i deserve to be healed

kind went backwards a little today... battled with mild depression. part of it stemmed from issues i had with making my new dvd... the files somehow got corrupt and i had to start all over with a new program. so it felt like i had wasted hours upon hours for nothing. kinda frustrating...

then there's all the stupid drama that comes with thanksgiving... his mom is being special and causing headaches for the rest of us... then troy went off on a huge tangent about how upset he is at elaine (the woman who gave birth to me) and how if she ever calls again she is going to get an earful (and she totally deserves it too). but it doesn't change the fact that there is pain and hurt on the subject. he hit the nail on the head today... he said, "when i needed her the most she was no where to be found... that it's really sad that people on the internet have cared for me more than she has..."

i just don't get how you can carry this child inside of you for 9 months, give birth to it, but not feel love for it. but toss a puppy or a cute cat in her sights and then you see love (or tamar for that matter). the last time we spoke she asked how mojito was, not how troy or i were, but mojito. now don't get me wrong i love him as much as i would if i gave birth to him, but that's just wrong LOL. i have always been there for her when she needed to vent or complain, or whatever... but then again this is a woman who leaves disasters wherever she goes... i called her hurricane elaine or tornado elaine (basically any type of natural disaster) the other day. she doesn't care about anyone but herself and she doesn't care what happens to anyone or anything around her, as long as she is happy and gets her way, regardless of the wreckage she leaves behind.

with that said, it is a wonder why i am surprised at why and how she does things LOL. like that saying goes, you just can't understand a crazy person.

well on the plus side, i got everything fixed on the dvd and have 3 copies ready to go out tomorrow! (although 1 is for a client i see on saturday, but still LOL).

i also spent some time doing some much needed yoga. i continued to practice some harder poses, like crane, wheel, and headstand. i was rocking headstand today, so that helped perk up my spirits! i was doing an awesome crane till troy came home and scared the crap out of me (i was right by the front door lol) and totally lost control and crashed like a very sad crane LOL. and i am getting better at wheel pose. due to the fact that i have a deep arch and have suffered from back problems in the past i have been having issues getting my arms completely straight, it would just put too much strain on my spine. the most i have gotten them straight is about 45-50% but today i hit about 10-15% so YAY ME! i know i can do it, i just have to keep working at it! =D plus my arm strength has increased greatly, which surprised me! LOL. this became very evident when i was able to do a full headstand away from the wall, it's a lot of arm and core strength, and boy is it an amazing workout! then there's crane pose of course which is all arm and balance. and to think not that long ago i was living on heating pads, icy hot, and pain killers LOL.

so on that note, thank you all for reading and supporting me, i love you all!!!

night!