January 29, 2010

boy, where did this month go? i swear time is on fast forward.

ok where to begin....

so i am back in contact with mother, this was such an interesting experience. when i first spoke to her i was so nervous i thought i was either going to throw up or have a heart attack. me and my nerves i tell ya. so after a ton of awkward silences we got through our first phone conversation since september. by the end i had agreed to go to a late lunch with her on tuesday.

so while we were all at dinner she said and did something that shocked us both. she was telling us about how when she was putting up our wedding pictures in her new house that she stared at them and then started to cry. she said she was so afraid that troy and i's love wouldn't make it through this hard time that she actually got down on her knees prayed. now those of you that know my mom know this, she NEVER shows emotion, for she believes it's a sign of weakness. i think in my entire life i have seen her cry like 3 times. one being when her mom died. and then to show this type of emotion in public, with tears, was truly shocking. so that made us happy to see that she truly does care for and about us.

i guess what caused her to get back in contact with me was she had a nightmare that i was a walking skeleton because we couldn't afford to get any food. she kept pressuring me to eat more at lunch too LOL. i don't have a big stomach and i have never really ate that much, so this wasn't really anything new to me LOL.

so after lunch she insisted on taking us to target to get a crockpot (to help with our cost efficient cooking) and then got us some groceries and a couple of clothing items. it's not what she got us or that she got us anything, it's that she cared enough to want to do those things. on a side note, she got me this awesome baggy sweater (i have been sleeping in it, it's amazing! soft as cloud too! we have dubbed it the purple sweater LOL) which was on clearance for 6 bucks! she is also helping us get my car back up and running, which will be nice, only having 1 car and having to depend on troy to Chauffeur me around is no fun.

all in all it was a very good visit. i know that she will never be the emotionally there mom i need and want, but she does care and she is trying now, even if it took a nightmare to scare her back into our lives. i just have to take her for what she is not what i want her to be.

since tuesday we have been packing up all our stuff getting ready for when the time comes to move. for once we are doing it in advance and not last minute. does this mean we are growing up? LOL. oh, on a funny side note, when we were at target i was soo excited to find bananas on sale for 51 cents a pound LOL. i think i have offically crossed over to the old side LOL.

so my class at the rec. center is going really well, had about 9-10 people last night, which is a lot considering that room can comfortably hold like 12. i am a bit worried though, they are putting another cardio type class against it starting next week. the last time they did this my class numbers dropped like crazy. i was lucky if i could get 2 people. and i really can't blame them. the instructor next door is sooooo loud and she blares her music so much that you can't even hear my music or me half the time. nothing says relax like someone screaming BREATHE!!!! right? i feel silly, here i was thinking i could evenutally upgrade to the bigger room. no wonder by boss kept turning me down whenever i asked, she had plans to have another class against it. it seems the harder i try at this studio the less i gain. i feel like they want me to fail there at times. i know it's silly of me to think that but i have been there for about 2 years now, only have 1 class (when some have 7 a week), am like the only one who teaches yoga that has to teach against a loud cardio class, can't use the bigger room, and has never gotten a raise.

i really can't wait till the day i can have my own little studio. to make matters a little more stressful, i have this odd gut feeling that the studio i rent time from isn't doing so good. they no longer have their website anymore, their schedule book shows that they have clients right before i arrive but no one has been there for weeks. so to play it safe we have all my supplies in the car and i have a backup plan of, "let's go to the park for today's class" in case i arrive one day to find the locks changed. not to mention they keep cutting the hours i am able to instruct there. so i don't know what's going on, they never keep me in the loop so it's hard. again another reason i need my own studio.

on the plus side the classes i do have the people are loving! so i at least know it's not me. which is always good to know. i guess for now i will just keep doing my thing. i have also been turning in my resume to all these different studios, so keep your, well everything, crossed i land one of them LOL.

well that' about it. thanks for reading and your love & support! i love you all!!!!