DAY 14: november 30, 2009

i like myself, i like myself, i like myself

so yesterday was the first time in at least 6 months that we went out on a date... probably not the smartest thing we did, money wise, but it was much needed. we both had a wonderful time! i can't wait till we are back on our feet and can do more of those. =)

i am suppose to be getting the pictures from the shoot in a few hours! i hope they turned out well. then it's on to editing and cropping them for the site! not a fun job, but it needs to be done. =)

yesterday i was having self image issues, i hate how little comments people make to me can multiply in my head until they have me in tears. i hope i can grow strong enough to let them just roll off my back. troy is amazing though, he verbally smacked some much needed sense into me LOL. part of my problem is that i physically compare myself to "perfect" women. why i do this i will never know. i never feel like i am pretty enough, or thin enough, or curvy (in those womanly places) enough, or my hair color is all wrong, etc. i need to accept that God made me the way i am for a reason and that i am beautiful. but needing to do this and believing it are two different worlds for me right now. i should be happy that my husband thinks i am "gorgeous", but see here's the thing with me, when he tells me this i think he is just trying to make me feel better deep down even though i know he would never lie to me, if that makes sense. i basically think any compliment tossed my way is to just make me feel better and has no real truth behind. i know this is messed up and that i need to not think this way, but the truth is i do. =( i wish there was some magic pill you could take that let you know when people are just bsing you or telling you the truth. and another to make me love myself, my whole self not just bits here and there. ugh...

so that's basically where i am lately, still reading my book and doing the exercises. i know that some days/weeks/etc. will be good days and others bad. i have a lot of pain and emotional scars to work through and that it will take time. i just need to have compassion and understanding for myself.

thank you all for reading and supporting and loving me. i love you all!!!